Why don't I like being a parent?

When You Don’t Want to Be a Parent, But You Are One

How to Understand Your Thoughts, Break the Shame Cycle, and Reconnect With Your Kids

Parenting is one of the hardest things a human can do. Yet parents are often expected to handle it with endless patience, confidence, and love. But the truth is this: many parents secretly struggle with thoughts they’re afraid to say out loud.

If you’ve ever thought things like:

• I’m not cut out to be a parent
• I’m not qualified to be a parent
• I’m not good at parenting
• My kids know I don’t know what I’m doing
• I don’t even like being a parent most of the time
• I wish I could do something else

You are far from alone. These thoughts feel scary, shameful, and heavy, but they don’t mean you’re a bad parent. They mean you’re human.

This article breaks down why these thoughts happen, why they don’t define you, and how to pull yourself out of the shame spiral so you can reconnect with your kids and yourself.

Why Parents Sometimes Think They Don’t Want to Be Parents

When a parent admits they don’t want to be a parent anymore, they usually feel like the lowest person alive. But the truth is simple:

These thoughts are symptoms, not character flaws.

They come from overwhelm, exhaustion, loneliness, frustration, and unmet emotional needs. And if someone is brave enough to express these thoughts, the last thing they need is more shame.

Because shame never improves parenting. Shame shuts parents down.

How Shame Disconnects You From Your Kids

When parents feel shame about their thoughts, they don’t get more patient, they disconnect.

What Shame Causes Parents to Do

• Isolate and avoid family interactions
• Communicate less
• Withdraw emotionally
• Avoid conflict or responsibilities
• Retreat inward
• Overeat, overdrink, overmedicate
• Scroll for hours
• Binge-watch shows to escape
• Feel disgusted with themselves
• Disconnect from the very people who need them

And the heartbreaking part?
Kids don’t understand why mom or dad has checked out. They naturally assume:

• They did something wrong
• They’re the problem
• They’re not loved
• They’re a burden

Shame doesn’t just hurt the parent, it hurts the entire family dynamic.

The Real Reason You’re Having These Thoughts

There are three game-changing concepts every parent must understand. When you do, the guilt starts to lose its grip.

1. You Are Not Your Thoughts

Your brain is a biological supercomputer. Since birth, it has been taking in millions of pieces of input and forming thousands of thoughts per day. Those thoughts are not “you.” They are just sentences your brain offers based on:

• Stress
• Exhaustion
• Patterns
• Habit
• Triggers
• Old beliefs
• Pain your brain wants to avoid

Your Brain Has Three Default Settings

• Seek pleasure
• Avoid pain
• Conserve energy

So when parenting gets hard, and it will, your brain may give you thoughts like:

I don’t want to do this.
I’m done.
I’m not cut out for this.
I wish I wasn’t a parent.

These thoughts are normal human biology, not character defects. They don’t define you. What you do with those thoughts defines you.

2. You Don’t Have to Believe Every Thought Your Brain Offers

Your brain is just trying to protect you, save energy, and avoid discomfort. But you are not obligated to believe any thought it hands you.

This is where your power lies:
You get to choose which thoughts shape your life.

You have agency. You can pause, question the thought, and decide whether it serves you, your values, or your family.

3. Thoughts Create Feelings and Feelings Drive Actions

When you believe thoughts like:

• I’m not good at parenting
• I’m unqualified
• I wish I wasn’t a parent
• I don’t want to be responsible anymore

You feel shame, guilt, disgust, depression, or hopelessness.

And with those feelings come the actions that hurt you and your child:

• Emotional withdrawal
• Lack of patience
• Avoidance
• Disconnection
• Numbness
• Detachment

Which leads to results like:

• Feeling even more unqualified
• Believing you’re a bad parent
• Liking parenting even less
• Reinforcing the thought cycle

It becomes a loop that feeds on itself until you interrupt it.

How to Break the Thought Cycle and Reconnect

The key is not to judge the thoughts. The key is to notice them, pause, and choose better ones with intention.

H3: How to Interrupt the Cycle

1. Notice the thought
2. Do not shame yourself for it
3. Recognize that it’s just biology talking
4. Ask: What do I want to think instead?
5. Choose a believable, more empowering thought

Here Are Better Thoughts You Can Choose

• Parenting is tough and I’m the one for the job
• I am getting better over time
• I’m learning how to parent these kids
• I am raising exceptional humans
• It’s hard right now, but I’m not quitting
• I don’t need to be perfect to be a great parent

These thoughts create strength, openness, and connection, the exact opposite of shame.

The Truth No One Tells Parents

• Your brain will give you thoughts you don’t like
• This does not mean you’re a bad parent
• Every parent has cringeworthy thoughts
• Your actions define you not your thoughts
• The hardest things produce the biggest rewards
• You are better than you think you are

If these thoughts bother you, that is evidence that you’re a good parent. Bad parents don’t worry about being bad parents.

You care, and that matters.

Final Encouragement: You’re Doing Better Than You Know

Parenting is one of the most challenging journeys any human can undertake. But the biggest rewards are always on the other side of difficult.

You’re not broken. You’re not failing.
You are human, learning and, raising other humans who are learning with you.

And you don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re ready to feel more confident, more connected, and more capable as a parent, join us inside Stable Living Coaching.

We struggle together. We grow together. And we get more out of life together.

Join us at: stablelivingcoaching.com

You’ve got this.