Teasing seems harmless, but it often hides avoidance and weakens trust. Learn how to stop and lead better.
Teasing: A Closer Look at a Common Habit
Welcome to this week's You Are Destined for Greatness. Appreciate you taking your time to be here with me today. I got a funny subject, teasing.
Okay, so you know, it doesn't matter whether you're at the playground or the classroom at school as the kids, or in the living room with little teeny toddlers, or in the family dynamic in any way, or at the work situation all the way from any kind of work right up to the, you know, the company officers in the board meeting.
It happens, teasing, it happens all over the place. It's a socially acceptable deal. A lot of times we think that, hey, we're teasing because we love you. We don't tease any, I mean, we're doing it because we love you. Fitting in, making connection, isn't it all funny? Ha, ha, ha, right?
And it's just something that we do as part of our society. And I'm just saying, hey, take a close look at it if you haven't already.
What I Noticed About Teasing and Leadership
Because here's what I noticed when I did. Okay. I did quite a bit of research on this. I backed it up with my research, what I noticed, and what I learned from other people.
And here's what I noticed and what I learned. And that is, is that the people that I admired, that I wanted to be like, the great leaders, they didn't tease so much. As a matter of fact, I never saw them do it at all. Okay?
So that caused me to think, what kind of a use of time it was. I take a look at myself. I was using little sarcastic jabs here and there and joking and participating in jokes at work and in groups of people a little bit. And I started to see what the result is, and I became aware of what was going on with me and what the result is and what’s going on with other people. And you know what? I didn’t like the result. So I’m working on eliminating it, and I mostly have.
Because here’s the thing, okay, and just to be clear I’m not saying don’t laugh. Okay? For hell’s sake, laughter is medicine. That’s not what I’m talking about.
Teasing, just to define it, is making fun of other people no matter how ya slice it. “C’mon, Shane. We’re supposed to be able to laugh. Can’t you see it’s just a joke?” And be able to laugh at ourselves because it’s supposed to be ok.
The Hidden Damage Behind Teasing
But really, at the root of it all, it's just not okay because it creates… What we do when we tease somebody is we create confusion, okay?
And the person on the other end's going, “Are they for real or is this a joke?” A lot of the time. That right there, that confusion that happens, it starts to diminish the trust in the relationship.
Now, if it's harmful enough, you're going to hurt somebody's feelings. And then you know what that does. That doesn't help the relationship. Just damage, damage, damage, damage everywhere you turn.
Check out this week's podcast on it. I go into great detail.
Why We Tease and What It Says About Us
Here's the thing, okay? I would consider taking a close look and becoming aware if you're making sarcastic comments, how much you're teasing in the workplace, in groups of people, in your family, what you're modeling for kids, and what it really means about you, okay?
And that might be hard to look at, what it means to you. Because it's rooted in things that, for most people, they don't aspire to be, okay? That's what it's rooted in.
And the result that we get on the other end is... Well, let's come back to this end, the teaser, okay?
Avoiding Difficult Conversations
When I saw myself teasing, what I noticed was, is mainly I was avoiding difficult conversations, okay? Because, well, they were difficult, so that's why. And that's very common.
So we just take a little sarcastic jab, and we have a lot of meaning, and we, you know, this happens automatically. For me, it was just like, it was just happening, you know, no thought whatsoever.
It's just a reaction. It was so habitual, so ingrained in me, that I would just make this little comment, okay? And what was it getting me? I wasn't getting the result I was after.
But what I realized is that I was, by doing that, avoiding the serious conversation that I was wanting to have. And by doing, dressing it up in this tease and this sarcasm, I didn't get what I was after.
The Impact on Relationships
And by the way, on the other end of it, the tease, or the sarcastic person who got the comment, they got confusion, or they got their feelings hurt, and it eroded the trust, and it damaged the relationship.
And I just, when I realized that, I said, that's enough, man. I'm done with it. And I'm not saying that I'm 100% on this, but I would just consider, but I'm working on it.
And I would ask you to consider taking a look at you and, at yourself and just saying, when am I teasing and make a joke of somebody, at someone at their own expense, and what am I gaining or winning or losing by doing so? And I think you’ll find the same thing.
Hey, if you’re going to be spectacular, you gotta become aware of all the stuff that’s going on with your communication, and this is just a little piece of it. Check it out. Pay attention to it.
You Are Destined for Greatness
I know you're gonna want to because You, my friend, Are Destined For Greatness.
